Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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