Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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