is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
