He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
