i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize