is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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