we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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