hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
