lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
