Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
