Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
