It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
