She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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