Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
