I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
