There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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