How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drunk walkin through police station. America
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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