I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize