I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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