did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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