I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
