and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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