If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's great music for shaving your balls
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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