omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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