I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
