he wants to bone in the snuggie
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
