I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
