1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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