I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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