Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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