i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
