Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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