I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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