so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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