tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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