I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
