You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
