If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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