i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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