you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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