Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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