i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
