he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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