she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
