i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
