Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Green mimosas i think yes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
is it fun? or sober?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
