Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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