so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Pants are for mortals
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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