Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
