Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
