So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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