i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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