she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
