You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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