I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
