so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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