Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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