I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
