What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
