this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
