Taylor Swift is so right about you.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
