The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize