last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize