I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
