hell yes lets make some ravioli
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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