Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize