Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Two words: nipple clamps
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