I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
